How to explain computers to your average 1775 farmer

The year is 1775. Things on US Soil were going crazy, what with redcoats and indians all around. Thomas Paine published common sense. But your daily history lesson aside, suppose you brought a computer, or (heaven forbid) a cell phone to this era. First you wouldn't have power, and second, no internet (gasp), but most importantly, people would probably think your a witch or sorcerer. How do you explain in their terms what a computer is and what it does?

I've taken a stab at this, for purely non-nonsensical reasons (I actually plan to time travel there and make my first million, but shhhh).

Okay, the inside of a computer is full of strange words like processor, memory, graphics card, or hard drive. What does it all mean, and why is it important?

Imagine you are a rural farmer on the outskirts of town. You need supplies, as well as templates and public records to manage your crops. There is a main road from your house into town. Each Sunday, you send an order for plant seed, apples for your horses, oranges for your goats, and carrots for  your rabbits. This order is sent via courier, a small man on a small horse. He travels into town, and returns with the apples. Then he travels into town again, and returns with the oranges. You ask him why this is taking so long. He replies, "I only have one horse, and can only carry such a large load at a time." This makes sense to you, but you can't wait 3 days for your supplies. So you hire two more couriers, each on top of two more horses. Now, it only takes you two days, one day for the apples, oranges and carrots, and a second day for the plant seed.

The next week, you decide you want it all on one day. You hire a fourth courier and horse. But the path is too narrow for all 4 horses to safely travel on the same day. Frustrated, you build a 2 lane road from your farm into town. Now, all 4 horses can travel on the same day. :) Hooray!

A year passes. Your farming business has grown. You are now again waiting 3 days for delivery because you need 6 horses worth of carrots, 3 horses worth of oranges, and 2 horses worth of apples, and 1 horse of plant seed. You pay to widen the road some more, and hire another 6 couriers and horses to transport the food.

This scenario represents what is happening with your computer. Processing speed is like the number of horses and couriers sent to retrieve and deliver packets. The road represents the amount of memory (RAM), or how many horses you can have on the road at once. If you have two many deliveries (or programs) running at once, the road will get too full.

An average iphone for example, may have:
512 mb of ram (imagine a road full of 512 horses),
1000 mh processor (imagine 1000 horses, where 512 are on the road at once, and the other 500 are being loaded up and getting ready for the trip, there would always be horses on the road!)

Starting to make sense?
Okay, now what about the graphics card, or hard drive?
Well, think of the hard drive like the size of warehouse in town used to store the fruit, carrots and plant seed for the farmer. The graphics card is like a smaller road headed to the local library where the farmer may be ordering books. The graphics card is still used to carry packets, but only video packets (or way back in the day, books). Most iphones or computers only need a few horses and a small road because they are not trying to run multiple videos or photo's at one time. However, a scholar (who loves books) or a graphic design artist may need a large road and lots of horses!

Back to our iphone example:
256mb graphics card: (256 horses, just used to transfer books from the library)
8000mb hard drive (warehouse that can hold 8000 crates of fruit, veggies, and plant seed).

Hope this helps anyone looking to travel back in time to 1775!

An extra note for fun:
What about dual core, and quad core?

A lot of computers and phones are dual core, or quad core nowadays. This only refers to the processor (number of horses). A dual core phone means you have twice the number of horses. A quad core means you have 4 times the number of horses.

iphone 4s:
1000mh dual core = (2000 horses)

iphone 6:
1200mh quad core = (4800 horses)

Get it? Good!

Enjoy!
Woof!