British Sandwiches (and the future of the US)

For the next 9 months or so, trendy dogs and elegant cats will be listening to the news, putting on tweed jackets, taking off tweed jackets, lighting clay pipes, snuffing clay pipes, and generally acting as though the entire country is one giant sitting room with a British butler serving tea and a large grandfather clock in the corner waiting to chime in on November 4^th. Never before was the American public so eager and willing to discuss the boring droning world of politics in such opulent decadence, and never again…well at least not until the next election. Most often, us Sheepdog’s like to lay on the carpet near our masters (we are not allowed on the couch in formal British sitting rooms) and steal the tiny sandwiches while they are busy talking in posh fake British Accents. However, this year, I shall attempt to lay out the situation as best as I understand it:

Every 4 years, America holds an election to determine the presidency. That’s a sort of figurehead for the country. He gets to be on TV a lot, shake people’s hands and kiss babies. You know, important stuff. The current president, Democrat B.Obama, has been president for 2 terms, or 8 years, and is ineligible to run for a 3^rd term. His current approval ratings are fairly low, especially among dogs and cats. I mean, he’s never once given out treats at these presidential speeches!

Midterm Elections, so-called because they run in-between each election, are held to determine the seats in the House of Representatives, and the Senate. The Republican Party currently holds the majority in the Senate as well as the House since 2014 (I might add they give out plenty of biscuits during their sessions). However, the time has come to select a new candidate for running our country. Our options are as follows:

Candidates for 2016:

Democratic Party:

Although there are around 10 candidates, the front-runners by popularity are: Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.

Republican Party:

Although there are around 12 candidates, the front-runners by popularity are: Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, Marco Rubio, and Donald Trump.

During the next 9 months, we as the American public are given the ‘right’ to haggle over and bicker all we want over which tiny little circle to fill in with a number 2 pencil come voting time. We actually get to do this twice I believe, once for the primaries, and once for the actual election. Forget 40 acres and a mule, were talking about filling in bubbles here! Some advice: if you like filling in bubbles, get a copy of common sense by Thomas Paine (its a really good read), and fill in all the b’s, o’s and d's in the book.

Joking aside, who is the best candidate? What do we even know about these candidates? Well, without going on a 50 page rant, here are some highlights on this election:

Big Ticket Topics (in alphabetical order):

Abortion

Foreign policy

Immigration

US Debt and budget plans

When you do your research (and I advise everyone does their own research from as many sources as possible) check on each candidates stances on these topics. Feel free to add more topics that are important to you. Also, ask yourself the question: what kind of president am I looking for? Someone who has spent a lot of time in politics and knows the game, or someone who has an outside opinion? Someone who is good at compromise, or someone who sticks to their guns? Personally, I have a pair of candidates that I would vote for given the opportunity. But then, I’m just a sheepdog, and will stick to filling in my copy of common sense and stealing sandwiches.

~woof~

Flat Tire

How to change a flat tire!

Good Morning chaps! Today we will be learning how to change a flat tire if such an occasion arises. This morning for instance, my 1924 Jalopy got a flat while taking the bunnies to the park. Fortunately, a helpful fox leapt out of the bushes to help.

“Hello! Sly the fox here! I will be instructing all you nice listeners and bunnies *licks lips and starts to salivate* on how to change your tire”:

Step 1: First, determine which tire is flat. You can find out in one of 2 ways: either drive over a pothole, and see which tire gets stuck in the pothole, or bite down on each tire and see which one doesn’t give you a sore jaw. *begins to chew on one of the tires* *Pop!* “Haha, oops, now you have 2 flats.”

Step 2: Next, we need to get the spare tire and tools out of the trunk. *Begins to root through the Jalopy’s trunk and throws tools everywhere* “Aha! Here we are. Now we just wheel it over to the flat tire, and grab our jack and tire iron.” *starts to uncontrollably chase one of the bunnies before reaching to pick up the tire iron*. Sorry little fella! *grins widely*

Step 3: We jack up the car, by placing the jack near the tire with the flat. …And we begin to lift the car. *lifts the car about 3 feet off the ground* There! A nice place to sit out of the rain eh? Okay, now to take the old tire off. You use this funny looking stick to take off the bolts holding the tire on. *yanks tire off. Tire is too heavy and rolls away from Sly the Fox*. Oops! Runaway tire!

Step 4: Okay! *pants* we’ve caught the old tire, and placed it back in the trunk. *Old tire has teeth, and claw marks on it now*. We just need to put on the spare tire. Luckily for us, it’s a small ‘donut’ tire, and a little easier to move about. *Meanwhile, the jack falls out from under the car and the car smashes to the ground*. Haha, sorry Sheepdog. No worries, we’ll just replace the jack and lift the car up again. *crashes around trying to wield the jack long enough to place under the car*. Whew! Okay, we put on the spare tire, and bolt it on using the same bolts as before. There seems to be a few extra parts we didn’t have before, but that’s okay!

Step 5: Now, we lower the jack from the car! *Kicks jack out from under the car. The car smashes to the ground again, bounces briefly on the donut tire along with an audible crunch*. And it’s just that simple! *Sheepdog is looking sadly at his car while the bunnies begin to dash away from the hungry fox whose saliva is forming a large puddle near his feet*.

By for now folks! Remember, if you need your car fixed, just call Sly the Fox! *chases bunnies*

Writing Response

Good Morning Chaps!
This is a quick write I wrote as a challenge to write about an inanimate narrator. Hope you enjoy!

I woke up to the sound of a box cutter and excited voices. “These will be perfect for the kids!” I heard. I was carefully picked up out of the box with about 10 of my brothers and sisters and placed on a table. One by one we were stamped, marked, and covered with a laminate jacket, designed to repel rain and wear. Next, they scanned us, and placed us on a shelf. Then the lights went out.

Too excited to sleep, I listened to the whispering of the books. I learned a lot that night. We were in a large place called a Library, where humans could check us out, take us home for a while, and then return us. Some books bragged about the traveling they have done when taken on a vacation. Others reveled in the number of times they have been checked out. I drank it all in, excited to be here, with my new smelling pages just waiting for my first time when I would be checked out. That’s when I picked up on a quieter conversation, happening over in the Teen’s section.

“It won’t be long now, you know.” One book whispered to another. “There are too many of us, and we were much more popular 3 years ago.”

“Well, you know how teenagers are, they jump from one phase to the next.” Replied an older, tired sounding book.

“So we really will be thinned out? And the oldest and most worn of us will be set aside to…leave?” The book’s voice began to break.

The book sounded close to tears. I worried about what she meant by “leave”. I shuddered.

“I’m afraid that’s the way it works.” The older book replied.

I sighed and tried not to think about it.

The next morning, I was again woken by the sound of many people, kids, teenagers, parents, all entering and leaving the Library, treasured books in hand. Many books were returned. Still more were checked out. I stood as straight as I could on the shelf, hoping to be checked out and my story read. Hours passed, and my heart grew sad. I know it was only my first day, but I couldn’t help but feel something special should happen.

Finally, it was evening, most of the people had left by this point. I heard footsteps. Then, I was picked up and carried away to another part of the library. My heart leapt! Was I going to be checked out after all? But instead of hearing a scan and a beep! Followed by “Have a nice day”, I was set down again on a table. I heard the soft thump of a backpack being set down, and some paper being drawn out. Then, I was opened. For the next 2 hours, I was read page by page, with the young teenager occasionally jotting notes from my pages onto her notebook paper. I was picked back up, and set back on the shelf. The lights went out, and the whispering of the books began again. Sad that I wasn’t checked out, but excited I had been read, this time I joined in the conversations.

Still, many years would pass before I found out where the books went after they left the library…