You’ve been captured in Mirkwood by the Elves and thrown in
the dungeon. But wouldn’t you know it, these dungeons have phones that receive nothing but telemarketer’s phone
calls from the Orcs!
When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them!
"I'm so glad you asked because no one in thid dungeon seems to care! I
have all these problems; Gandalf left us in Mirkwood, we’re cold and wet, the
other dwarves are getting annoying, the burglar disappeared, we were attacked
by spiders, and now I’m in a dungeon…
If they say they're Duelc from ORC Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name (chances are, they can’t spell it). Then ask them where their company is located, and if they are in league with Sauron. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about them and their association with Wargs as long as necessary.
Cry out in surprise, the name of the telemarker name such as "Beorn! Is that you? Oh my Gosh! Beorn, how have you been? How are the bees keeping?” Hopefully, this will give "Beorn" a few brief moments of pause as he tries to figure out where in Middle Earth he could know you from.
If ORC phone company calls and tries to get you on the family and friends plan, reply in your best Troll voice “I don’t have any friends. They are all dead. Would you like to be my friend?” Chances are you can’t intimidate and Orc, but you sure can try!
If they want to loan you money, tell them you’ve been robbed by Smaug and would love some money (preferably in gold or silver)!
Tell the telemarketer you have been captured by some very strict Elves who took your belongings and all your credit cards, but you sure could use some ale and a side of meat!
After they give their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you’ve been questing for a long time and sure could use someone to share in your trials and troubles. You can also tell them that you cannot give your credit card information to a Orc-ish stranger.
Tell them you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their personal cell phone number so you can call them back. When they explain they cannot give out their cell number, say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
Insist that the caller is really your friend from the Shire. No amount of persuading from them can convince you otherwise. Keep repeating things like: “How is the green dragon last night? Did you enjoy your birthday? No…no…I can’t come, I’m locked in a dungeon.
Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down, and the only writing utensil you have is the spoon from your meal and a rock wall.
If they say they're Duelc from ORC Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name (chances are, they can’t spell it). Then ask them where their company is located, and if they are in league with Sauron. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about them and their association with Wargs as long as necessary.
Cry out in surprise, the name of the telemarker name such as "Beorn! Is that you? Oh my Gosh! Beorn, how have you been? How are the bees keeping?” Hopefully, this will give "Beorn" a few brief moments of pause as he tries to figure out where in Middle Earth he could know you from.
If ORC phone company calls and tries to get you on the family and friends plan, reply in your best Troll voice “I don’t have any friends. They are all dead. Would you like to be my friend?” Chances are you can’t intimidate and Orc, but you sure can try!
If they want to loan you money, tell them you’ve been robbed by Smaug and would love some money (preferably in gold or silver)!
Tell the telemarketer you have been captured by some very strict Elves who took your belongings and all your credit cards, but you sure could use some ale and a side of meat!
After they give their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you’ve been questing for a long time and sure could use someone to share in your trials and troubles. You can also tell them that you cannot give your credit card information to a Orc-ish stranger.
Tell them you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their personal cell phone number so you can call them back. When they explain they cannot give out their cell number, say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
Insist that the caller is really your friend from the Shire. No amount of persuading from them can convince you otherwise. Keep repeating things like: “How is the green dragon last night? Did you enjoy your birthday? No…no…I can’t come, I’m locked in a dungeon.
Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down, and the only writing utensil you have is the spoon from your meal and a rock wall.
3 comments:
At least you get live orcs - all mine are prerecorded orcs with high falsetto voices.
I'm torn between laughing and falling off my chair trying not to laugh. :) This is fantastic. Now I want to write something like "Top 5 Ways to Convince Your Parents Getting a Unicorn is a Good Idea."
*chuckles* Fantastic! Mission accomplished. I'll look forward to your Unicorn post. ;)
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