Traveling Salesman - Rant

Good Morning All,
I usually don't post rants on my blog, preferring to impart some form of conventional or imaginative wisdom or witty narrative. However, for this one I'll make an exception. I tend to be a bit shy around new people and faces, and forced conversations with complete strangers over any topic tends to make me feel uncomfortable. *sigh* Yet, sometimes, it may be necessary. My master's have been working out some financial opportunities and have found themselves having these awkward conversations about complicated topics with a large amount of complicated numbers. 45 minutes later, they have papers spread out all over the place, even more numbers, and more questions than answers. An hour later, they returned home arms full of fluttering papers, and sticky notes with scribbles on them. Headaches all around, but overall rather helpful and necessary.

My own adventure with strangers came in the form of a knock on the door during my restful Saturday nap.Woken up, and a bit groggy, I opened the door. Standing in front of me was a large boar. He introduced himself, and shook my paw. He then launched into a well-rehearsed 15 minute speech about himself, his cause, and a few corny jokes designed to make me feel at ease and chuckle. I didn't chuckle. In fact, with every passing minute, I grew more weary of this boar. Why was he standing here? Why was he keeping me from my perfectly comfortable nap on a Saturday Afternoon? And why on earth was he wearing a goofy pigeon feather cap? My mind obviously wandering, he blithely finished his speech, then proceeded to show me a list of all the other people in the neighborhood who had already given him money. He even had an average total per person! It's as if these figures would convince me to jump on the bandwagon. I have to admit, I wasn't even impressed by his fancy briefcase or gold wristwatch. I wanted him gone. I wanted to get back to my nap. So I politely responded with: "I think I'll pass but thanks for your time." His response? "I don't play football sir."

And here, I was lost for words. What does he want? For me to feel shamed into giving him money? For me to respond with another word for no? Laugh and slam the door in his face? The only reason I could come up with was he wanted me to feel awkward and embarrassed. Which I did. Which made me even more emphatic that this guy wouldn't get a cent from me. I closed the door.

Don't get me wrong, I like girl scout cookies and supporting local fundraisers as much as the next sheepdog, but this veritable arsenal of salesman tactics really gets under my fur. In order, here are the top 10 things that bug me about salesman:

1. "I'm not here to sell you anything" -Oh? They why are you here?
2. "Look at all the sales I've gotten already from your neighborhood" -Why would I care about that?
3. "Small talk" -Look, just finish your speech and leave. I'm not your friend, and I don't really care what your aunt's cousin's friend has done with his motorcycle.
4. Looking past me as if he thinks I plan on inviting him inside. -I do not plan on inviting you in, that's why I'm standing in the doorway.
5. Talking down to me. -You insult me then expect me to buy from you?
6. Invasion of Personal Space. - The only thing I want that close to my face is my food, thank you very much sir. Come any closer and I'll bite your nose off.
7. Willful ignorance of my body language. -Take a hint, my frown, and frequent meaningful glances to the couch means you do not have my interest.
8. Speed Talking - Sometimes I think they talk fast to make us look puzzles and say "What now?"
9. Bragging - Ever notice that salesman seem to have a big ego?
10. If I really wanted to buy something, don't you think I would just go to the store? Or Amazon?

*Pauses* Hmm, my rant went a little long. Ah well, feel free to skim it, it's just a rant after all. Anyway, I'll have something more uplifting and creative next time. Thanks for listening!

-Sheepdog-