Bunny Apocalypse

So I had a special request to create a how-to on surviving the zombie apocalypse, but then realized I have already written this blog last October (titled AAaaaah! Zombies!). So I decided to address a much more serious threat: Bunnies. *Nods seriously* Bunnies are slowly taking over my life, as well as the world. How do we survive when they have control of the Earth? Well, as the Bunny apocalypse approaches, here are some things to think about:

Over the years, Bunnies have been mistreated. They have been used as bait in greyhound racing (see sgt. Bilko), as rocks (Open Season) as gas masks (again, Open Season), Poor Rabbit has all his honey stolen by a bear, more than once I might add, and every year, the Easter bunny has all his eggs stolen by the world! Well the rabbits have finally had enough. They have finally assembled a team of elite bunnies in strategic positions throughout our industries, preparing for years for their chance. Here is a list of their top operatives:

Energizer Bunny……….Demolitions Specialist

Trix……….Food Service Specialist, and special ops manager for kid strike division

Harvey……….Invisible Pookah, Special Weapons and Secret Ops Division

Happy Bunny………. Known as stinky bunny. Nuclear Weapons

Bugs Bunny……….HR Specialist, tracks meetings, minutes, and carrots

Thumper……….Creative Operations

Cadbury Bunny……….Secretary to the Easter Bunny.

Rabbit……….Mastermind

As near as I can tell, this is what will happen:

Stage 1: Planning Stage

The bunnies need plenty of time to prepare for their strike. For their coup to be successful, they need a plan of attack. This will be well thought out, and utilize every weapon they have available. They will need a large army, and the technology to run multiple strikes simultaneously across the world. They need to have planted seeds of dissent among us humans so we will fight each other rather than our common enemy.

Stage 2; Initial Strike

The bunnies prefer covert warfare. Likely, we will not even notice the initial strike until it is too late. Harvey will infiltrate the highest levels of government and plant ideas among our leaders by day and night until he drives them mad, or they begin to listen. Meanwhile, Bugs Bunny, already stationed in Hollywood, will be slipping in strategic scenes in upcoming movies to make us sympathetic to their cause. The Energizer Bunny has already planted the idea of running off of batteries (lithium ion, and rechargeable cars) to us humans. These batteries are all wired to a master control system, giving the Bunnies a direct line to many cars, generators, and power plant reserve systems. Finally, Trix has diverted most of the world’s breakfast cereal to their headquarters in Australia. Soon, we will be without breakfast.

Stage 3; Darkness

Once stage 2 is complete, the bunnies will cause a major blackout across the world. All reserve systems and batteries will shut down, and any remaining power will be cut off by Thumper’s crew using an army of EMP Pulse drones across key cities of America and the rest of the world. In darkness, with no food for breakfast, and with our cell phone batteries dwindling, we will have precious little time to react as Harvey rises with a new world order plan in the UN Summit.

Stage 4; Light, then unconditional surrender

Harvey’s new documents will outline a restructuring of nearly every modern government, and in return, power will be restored to the world.

Stage 5; Contingency Plan

Bunny’s are relatively peaceful, but they have some plans in case their initial strike fails. Stinky Bunny has a back-up fleet of drones, filled with stink bombs designed to enforce the new world order.

So, how can we prepare against this? The bunnies are upset, but not quite to the breaking point according to recent biased polls (the 3…4...5… however many bunnies are in my apt. right now). They have a list of demands we must meet:

1)      The cookie jar must always be full.

2)      Never complain about their loud music or all night Parcheesi parties

3)      If they invite another bunny to join, always say yes.

4)      Join their pinochle parties

5)      They want iPads

6)      And cookies. Did they already mention this?

7)      Most importantly, don’t throw them at cars.

Good luck surviving the bunny apocalypse!